I had a friend contact me the other day asking these things. She has been married for over half her life now. Her husband is what you would consider a "good man," by many people's standards. Their home flows and functions and they move through each day.
He works; she works. He does things around the house; she does things around the house. He helps with the kids; she helps with the kids. They have sex regularly.
On a daily basis, they do what they need to do. They get the to-do list boxes checked off and meet the deadlines, bringing home the bacon and paying the bills to enjoy their "American dream."
From the outside, it looks like everything is fine. They don't scream and fight in front of everybody. They are pleasant. They go to church. They lead in the church. Their children are sweet, beautiful, well-dressed and groomed kids. They are obedient and respectful to others.
Everything seems good. So, why is she asking me these questions?
Because when they finally got away for a much-needed break from the busy life and all the daily requirements, she realized they didn't know how to be together.
When the kids were taken out of the equation...when there was no string of daily tasks to do and they were left with quiet, calm, time together, they didn't know how to handle it.
This prompted her to ask is this as good as it gets? Do I just need to be content with what we do have?
It pained me to have to sit there pondering how to answer this question. On one hand, I wanted to tell her to just be thankful for what she has because so many don't even have that. But, on the other hand, I wanted to shout, "Noooooo!"
In the end, I did say, "No, that's not as good as it gets. Don't settle."
Of course, I did say more than that and we are still talking, but in short, I had to say what I knew to be God's truth.
You see, my husband and I have done it that way. We have merely coexisted, but we have also worked very hard to get past difficult things and learned to communicate effectively. We have together decided that we aren't going to settle for just doing life under the same roof.
My husband and I have decided to continue to learn about one another, to not be afraid of making each other mad, rubbing the other the wrong way, saying what needs to be said to bring understanding. We have watched other couples, and we talked it over. We have no desire to be a couple who has no friendship.
When we get away from the kids and life's daily responsibilities, we actually enjoy being together. We still have things to talk about. We like to go to new places and see new things together. We discuss what it will be like when our children leave our home. We don't dread that season. We think about all the things we can enjoy together.
So, when my friend asked me if what she has is as good as it gets, I had to truthfully say no, no it's not and I don't believe God wants anyone to settle for a marriage like that.
Does God want you to be content? Yes. Yes, in all things and situations. But that doesn't mean to settle and never pursue how to love fully and passionately.
