tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38265791161407853152024-02-06T19:05:16.319-08:00Pursuing Each OtherFor where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Matthew 6:21Mindyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04394060683354956519noreply@blogger.comBlogger23125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3826579116140785315.post-62502467511202282732018-01-08T21:18:00.000-08:002018-01-08T21:18:20.847-08:00I Wish I Had...<span style="font-size: large;">I was thinking today about how grateful I am for my sweet husband. </span><div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I fight shame when I look back over all our years together and think about the time I wasted being scared that he would hurt me. I hate to admit that I held his past choices against him. I wasn't trying to be mean; I was just so consumed with fear. </span><span style="font-size: large;">It's truly terrible what fear can do to relationships, especially a marriage. <i>I wish I hadn't been captive by fear.</i></span><div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>I wish it hadn't taken me until I was in my 40's to find the rest of God that I live in now.</i> I'm not sure what all I could've done differently. I spent years reading everything I could, trying to learn how to do it successfully...whatever that means. I'm thankful to live in the peace that passes understanding now.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We've both grown so much. I truly can say that I enjoy just being with him. It's heartbreaking how many couples don't even know how to just be with one another after their kids grow up. I don't want that to be our story!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>I wish I had learned how to communicate openly and in love much sooner than I did.</i> I rejoice that I have a husband who desires to understand me. I sure have been a pain in the butt I bet!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>I wish I had been able to relax more when I was younger.</i> I wish I hadn't been so overly concerned with trying to be the perfect wife and mother that I didn't make time to be one when I should have.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Things could've been different, but they have made us into the couple we are today. And that's okay...because I like us. I really, really like us. We do together well. And today, I'm just really thankful about that! :)</span></div>
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Mindyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04394060683354956519noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3826579116140785315.post-17611660352741018062016-05-16T11:30:00.000-07:002016-05-16T11:30:39.553-07:00Launching Out Our First Graduate!<span style="font-size: large;">A week before celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary, our oldest son turned 18 and is now finishing up his senior year of high school! It's quite a month of milestones around here.</span><div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">This past Saturday we had a huge party for him, and it was so amazing to see the people who have walked with us along our parenting journey.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I may have collapsed with tears into my husband's arms Saturday night when it was all over. Months of busy planning and decisions about Garrison's life and future had culminated into this sweet day of love and celebration.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">It's wild to look at the love of your life and reflect on all the highs and lows you have walked through together. Now, we are launching an adult out into the world. It just seems unreal!</span></div>
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Mindyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04394060683354956519noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3826579116140785315.post-79571007043936573712016-05-11T19:46:00.001-07:002016-05-11T19:50:37.779-07:0020th Anniversary! <p dir="ltr">20 years!!! </p>
<p dir="ltr">How crazy is that? Today marks 20 years of marriage for Tom and me! </p>
<p dir="ltr">Wow, have we been through some stuff! But, we stuck it out. We stayed together. We chose to lay down our selfishness and CHOOSE the ACTIONS of love instead of the feelings of the moments. </p>
<p dir="ltr">We've had such a different journey than many people...so many stretches of time apart because of the military and jobs. I think it's made us appreciate our time together more though. We've come to recognize how trivial so many disagreements are! </p>
<p dir="ltr">I'm so grateful that we work at our friendship and enjoy being together even more after all this time. </p>
<p dir="ltr">How sweet it is to look back at all we've walked through together. How amazing to see the beauty that has come from our ashes. </p>
<p dir="ltr">At 19 years old, I left home with dreams in my heart of a happily ever after with my knight in shining armor! It didn't take long before it seemed more like a nightmare that starred an ogre and a maid! Ha! </p>
<p dir="ltr">The fairy tale seemed shattered, and I realized how little I knew about real life. Our marriage seemed over before it even felt like it had time to begin. </p>
<p dir="ltr">If not for the grace of God, we wouldn't have made it. I remember reading a book about how to pray for my husband, and that lady author had the nerve to suggest that he may not be the problem! I think I threw that book down three times before I allowed God to begin the work on MY heart. </p>
<p dir="ltr">We both brought garbage to our union. We both needed to be gutted, cleaned and restored! </p>
<p dir="ltr">We yielded. </p>
<p dir="ltr">We allowed the Lord to wash us by His Word and transform us into His image. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Now, we choose patience, kindness, gentleness, self-control... </p>
<p dir="ltr">We decided to open our eyes and play on the same team instead of against each other. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I'm so thankful we did. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Here's to another 20 and beyond Babe! I would do it all again. </p>
<p dir="ltr">You are everything I never knew I always wanted. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I treasure you. </p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMDWRFLoV41Ju0y8eCX83V71nwaOXYSuKBBZDYYPwLfe-GbotyUh5d6DqkhRqdOFhxP-5WniX2D7C0UoNVvPiWikqNg30EjLWbT__PnjkXBYJF30CIoNeih2gEkNjJSwTPNboG9DmA_mHJ/s1600/20160511_093342.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMDWRFLoV41Ju0y8eCX83V71nwaOXYSuKBBZDYYPwLfe-GbotyUh5d6DqkhRqdOFhxP-5WniX2D7C0UoNVvPiWikqNg30EjLWbT__PnjkXBYJF30CIoNeih2gEkNjJSwTPNboG9DmA_mHJ/s640/20160511_093342.jpg"> </a> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilmiPPvui8OG_vlNnPtYAwNinpqEWSNtITTCl0HREWC_ap-jpqgCgDOltan1yg6e9mabl-9imoPyshTRWGTgGmb4JUnh6YrX_mRQquZUZGyCjQdw3jTQydmqy0C1-cMwJyQsAXHiXIFqbD/s1600/20160511_185751.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilmiPPvui8OG_vlNnPtYAwNinpqEWSNtITTCl0HREWC_ap-jpqgCgDOltan1yg6e9mabl-9imoPyshTRWGTgGmb4JUnh6YrX_mRQquZUZGyCjQdw3jTQydmqy0C1-cMwJyQsAXHiXIFqbD/s640/20160511_185751.jpg"> </a> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRp1yZ-amfWyFV3NZlQLwnmeLX4umcDPfIzqH_Gnd-tNaAChaW-ac7t9RDqa-gJTkxTcmYmqKP4CxvF5jf2OAo8wZtFSuOVAz6DVG0QP-w7jtywSs_8pIdj06mYHeD44UbXgzHfYgpS6yE/s1600/20160511_185711.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRp1yZ-amfWyFV3NZlQLwnmeLX4umcDPfIzqH_Gnd-tNaAChaW-ac7t9RDqa-gJTkxTcmYmqKP4CxvF5jf2OAo8wZtFSuOVAz6DVG0QP-w7jtywSs_8pIdj06mYHeD44UbXgzHfYgpS6yE/s640/20160511_185711.jpg"> </a> </div>tomoncewaslosthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01031505856208777300noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3826579116140785315.post-23580335889081277532016-05-03T07:02:00.004-07:002016-05-03T07:09:43.593-07:00Helping in Hard Times<span style="font-size: large;">Watching your spouse go through a difficult situation and not being able to help much feels awful. </span><span style="font-size: large;">We have had two of those situations over the last week. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">What do you do in those times? That's what I want to share about today.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">1. Pray~Too often, as Christians, we say stupid things like, "Well, all we can do now is pray." Prayer should be our first response, not our last resort! Prayer moves mountains <i>if </i>you believe. I choose to believe God.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">2. Serve~Look for ways to make general life easier or more enjoyable for your beloved. Take on some of their tasks. Make their favorite meal or desert. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">3. Give~Surprise them with a little gift...an unexpected note, card, or inexpensive present that just lets them know you are thinking of them. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">4. Affirm~Remind them that they aren't alone in their trial and that you believe in their ability to get through this time with honor and grace. Thank them for all they do to help you through life.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">5. Encourage~Spur them on to be thankful in all situations and to stay focused on all the things that are going well in their life.</span></div>
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Mindyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04394060683354956519noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3826579116140785315.post-40452034962100648812016-03-28T15:15:00.001-07:002016-03-28T15:15:21.112-07:00Thankful<span style="font-size: large;">My thoughts have been consumed with how I'm thankful I am to be married since I read </span><span style="font-size: large;">my friend Julie's blog the other day. </span><div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">She went on a "self-imposed retreat" to get alone and do some thinking and praying.</span><div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">(You can read her post here: </span></div>
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<a href="http://trainupforeternity.blogspot.com/2016/01/second-year-of-mourning.html" style="font-size: x-large;">http://trainupforeternity.blogspot.com/2016/01/second-year-of-mourning.html</a> <span style="font-size: large;">)</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Julie has been on an excruciating journey. She had to watch her little son and then her beloved husband pass on due to cancer.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I don't even pretend to know an inkling of the pain she has endured. I pray I never ever know. I can't imagine that I would handle it with the strength it seems she has, although, I know she has done so by the grace of God and so hopefully, I could.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">As she walked along a path in her time alone, she listened for God to speak to her through the pictures of His creation. Her insights were beautiful and profound. They blessed me as her friend. I was glad to hear her heart and see a glimpse of her thought processes.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I found myself aching over her empty marriage bed. I had to stop and thank the Lord for my husband. I had a huge lump in my throat just thinking about how much I would miss his presence. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">No one can touch me like my husband. I don't even mean sexually. I mean no one can touch that intimate spot that is reserved for Tom alone in all of my life. I was really struck with the realization of what Julie must feel. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">every. single. day.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Ugh. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Thank you, God, for holding my friend and healing her heart. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Thank you for the gift of my husband. Forgive me for the times I take him for granted. Remind me that he is indeed a gift to be treasured and honored. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Please help everyone out there who needs your healing touch on their marriage. Soften hearts and strengthen communication Lord. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We need you. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Wherever we are, we need you.</span></div>
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Mindyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04394060683354956519noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3826579116140785315.post-47111588553589604422015-01-12T18:23:00.003-08:002015-01-12T18:23:55.248-08:00Confirmation in Unity<span style="font-size: x-large;">I was thinking the other day about how many times God has confirmed things between my husband and me over the years.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">I would think I was hearing an instruction from God or Tom would...or one of us would be praying about something specific, and we would ask the Lord to show the other without us saying anything so that we could know that we know that we know it is His will.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">He has been so gracious and faithful to do this. We shouldn't be surprised. He <i>wants</i> to communicate with us. He wants us to follow His plan.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Now I find myself in that place again. I thought I heard an instruction the other day. I hope I did. But, honestly, I'm a bit cautious and wanting to know for sure if it's God because I have a lot of emotions regarding this.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">So I wait.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">I pray.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">I thank God for speaking to my husband and leading us.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">I thank God for a husband who seeks the Lord.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">I want us to be about our Father's business together.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">In unity.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">In harmony.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Speak Lord.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span>Mindyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04394060683354956519noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3826579116140785315.post-59455166917207964482014-11-18T06:30:00.001-08:002014-11-18T06:30:05.271-08:00Please Don't Settle!<span style="font-size: large;">Do you ever wonder about your marriage? Do you ever think about where your marriage is and think is this as good as it gets? Do I just need to be content with this?</span><div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I had a friend contact me the other day asking these things. She has been married for over half her life now. Her husband is what you would consider a "good man," by many people's standards. Their home flows and functions and they move through each day.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">He works; she works. He does things around the house; she does things around the house. He helps with the kids; she helps with the kids. They have sex regularly.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">On a daily basis, they do what they need to do. They get the to-do list boxes checked off and meet the deadlines, bringing home the bacon and paying the bills to enjoy their "American dream."</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">From the outside, it looks like everything is fine. They don't scream and fight in front of everybody. They are pleasant. They go to church. They lead in the church. Their children are sweet, beautiful, well-dressed and groomed kids. They are obedient and respectful to others.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Everything seems good. </span><span style="font-size: large;">So, why is she asking me these questions?</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Because when they finally got away for a much-needed break from the busy life and all the daily requirements, she realized they didn't know how to be together. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">When the kids were taken out of the equation...when there was no string of daily tasks to do and they were left with quiet, calm, time together, they didn't know how to handle it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">This prompted her to ask is this as good as it gets? Do I just need to be content with what we do have?</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">It pained me to have to sit there pondering how to answer this question. On one hand, I wanted to tell her to just be thankful for what she has because so many don't even have that. But, on the other hand, I wanted to shout, "Noooooo!"</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">In the end, I did say, "No, that's not as good as it gets. Don't settle." </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Of course, I did say more than that and we are still talking, but in short, I had to say what I knew to be God's truth.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">You see, my husband and I have done it that way. We have merely coexisted, but we have also worked very hard to get past difficult things and learned to communicate effectively. We have together decided that we aren't going to settle for just doing life under the same roof.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">My husband and I have decided to continue to learn about one another, to not be afraid of making each other mad, rubbing the other the wrong way, saying what needs to be said to bring understanding. We have watched other couples, and we talked it over. We have no desire to be a couple who has no friendship.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">When we get away from the kids and life's daily responsibilities, we actually enjoy being together. We still have things to talk about. We like to go to new places and see new things together. We discuss what it will be like when our children leave our home. We don't dread that season. We think about all the things we can enjoy together.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">So, when my friend asked me if what she has is as good as it gets, I had to truthfully say no, no it's not and I don't believe God wants anyone to settle for a marriage like that.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">Does God want you to be content? Yes. Yes, in all things and situations. But that doesn't mean to settle and never pursue how to love fully and passionately.</span></div>
Mindyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04394060683354956519noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3826579116140785315.post-88318647283924868632014-09-17T10:14:00.000-07:002014-09-18T13:19:02.849-07:00Be Bold!<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Good Wednesday to you friends :)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Just a bit ago I received a text from my hubby that said, "Praying for you."</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">There is probably nothing that Tom does for me that means more than praying for me.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">That wasn't just a random text. That was a reminder that he heard what I conveyed through a text to him last night.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I am going to a pretty big check-up today to see how all the surgery stuff is coming along. Ever since my surgery in July, I've been dealing with some anxiety attacks when I go into doctor offices.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">It doesn't matter how much I tell myself everything is okay and to calm down. My body just physically has been responding with shaking and sweating and my heart races.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Tom has been with me and witnessed this, so when I sent the text last night before bed to pray for me as I go to the doctor tomorrow, he didn't just respond with, "ok" or "I will." He responded with an actual prayer that I could read.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Then today, as he is in another state with work that is probably consuming his brain, he took the time to stop and text me that he is praying for me. Right then and as I go...and as he works...</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I don't know that I can even express why this means so much to me. Of course we all like to know we are thought about during someone's day and that we mean enough that they would stop just to let us know, but what this makes me feel is beyond that.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">There is just something so sweet to my soul that I experience when Tom prays for me. To me, when he lays his hand upon me and calls out to the God of the universe on my behalf, allowing me to hear his inward thoughts, I don't know...it's just so intimate to me...more than anything else.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Hearing Tom pray fills me with hope, peace, and security. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I really enjoy when he surprises me with a gift that he remembers I mentioned I would like. I love when, even though he is tired himself, he will clean up the kitchen after I've cooked or just had a long day. But, when he <i>prays </i>over me, it just blesses me in ways like nothing else can.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Maybe it's because the position of prayer to God is so vulnerable. Maybe it's because men don't often easily let us hear what they feel. Maybe it's just because it makes me feel like I'm pretty special to him that he will take the time to go to God on my behalf.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">All I know is that it is like the best gift...the best kiss...the sweetest surprise...all rolled into one and my soul feels like it is bursting with love.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I remember a time when Tom told me it was hard for him to pray with me because I love to pray and he thinks I do it "better" than him. Of course, that made me chuckle, but it was a real roadblock for him. After I explained how his praying over me made me feel, he began to do it more and more.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">So, today, I challenge you to take the time to push past awkward, throw off self-consciousness, and let your spouse hear you cry out to God on their behalf. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I truly believe this is one of the most powerful things a husband and wife can do together to bring unity in their marriage...which extends to their family, friends, church, community...</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Be bold today! </span>Mindyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04394060683354956519noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3826579116140785315.post-24663636112819399782014-09-11T11:32:00.000-07:002014-09-11T11:32:08.758-07:00A Matter of Choice<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">On Sunday afternoon, my husband and I entered into a discussion while out driving. It didn't last all that long, but it sure accomplished much for my heart and hopefully for his as well. It brought understanding and showed us how to pray for one another.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">I had to say some things that I wasn't sure he would take well. I mean, I always know that I'm blessed with a man who listens more than he talks...who seeks to understand me...who thinks before he speaks (sometimes so long that I wanna smack him! :)...who truly wants to do what is best for others and himself.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">But, even after 20 years of being together, I still get nervous to say things sometimes. I wonder if he does too.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">I wasn't always good at just coming forth and saying what I was thinking or feeling. From past experiences, I was afraid of rejection or attack and trapped in insecurity. Wow, when I think back on how much easier our marriage relationship would have been if I could have communicated better!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">It's been a lot of work to get to where we are. Well, more like a lot of choices. I've been speaking to some women and girls lately about just pushing past what feels awkward and choosing to do what needs done.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">If we could all get to a place where we could speak the truth in love with one another! Shew...can you even imagine how much better life would be?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">That <i>in love </i>phrase is the kicker part though, isn't it? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Many of us, if we can be brave enough to speak up, usually don't do it "in love." It is usually in haste or disgust or frustration...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">I found myself wondering today how different the drive Sunday with my sweetheart would have been if either of us hadn't chosen to speak in love.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">I bet we wouldn't have come to the realizations and resolutions we did. I bet one of us would have cried. (Of course I mean Tom!) I bet our kids would have felt that sick-to-your-stomach feeling I always felt (and still feel when people get ugly with each other).</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">How much different would our home be if we hadn't taken the time to learn what we have from leaders and books and friends and each other???</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I look around me and see so many people in </span>turmoil<span style="font-family: inherit;">. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I see men who look like they are brooding and angry at the world, dreading to walk into their home each night.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I see women with pursed lips and glaring eyes and hear their mumbling under their breath toward their husbands.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I see children who look like they are holding back tears and scared to utter a word or do something wrong...like they have to walk on eggshells all the time so they don't play a part in rocking the boat.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">My husband and I aren't amazing people. We aren't doing anything that others can't do. We just chose to learn how to handle ourselves differently. Then we chose to humble ourselves and walk out what we learned.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Sure we mess up. We certainly don't always agree. We just love each other and our children enough to stay determined to have a happy home. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">No matter what that takes or how we have to crucify our selfishness, we are resolute in this stand for our family.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Some things really are a matter of choice.</span>Mindyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04394060683354956519noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3826579116140785315.post-5875027011937829182014-08-11T01:31:00.001-07:002014-08-11T01:41:29.299-07:00No Greater Love <p dir="ltr">It is now August! We've been out of the loop for a while... getting ready for my surgery, dealing with my surgery, and surviving through my recovery. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I'll share more details about the surgery on our family blog, but what I'd like to say here, on this blog about our marriage, is that I am blessed with a wonderfully caring husband. </p>
<p dir="ltr">In short, there was a complication in my surgery that, in a matter of moments, took my recovery from one level of neediness to quite another. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Tom is my rock. He keeps me grounded, focused, and calm when chaos ensues. </p>
<p dir="ltr">He never showed anxiety through this whole ordeal. A lot of that is just his natural personality and the result of being raised in strong faith and not fear. However, even in times when things have unnerved him, he just stays peaceful under pressure with me. It's such a gift to a wife who has struggled with anxiety for so long. </p>
<p dir="ltr">There were moments during this surgery season when my body was literally quaking and my mind felt like a fog had set in for the duration! I felt confused and weak, overwhelmed and exhausted. </p>
<p dir="ltr">And no matter what, there he would be...my husband, ever present in my time of need. </p>
<p dir="ltr">He would speak. He would gently touch me. He would pray over me. He would bring my focus back and calm me down, reassuring me that everything would be okay...that I would be okay and that I was not alone. </p>
<p dir="ltr">A complete hysterectomy with the complication of an accidently severed ureter has been a humbling and hard experience. To have someone so resolute and compassionate by my side made this whole thing much easier to endure. </p>
<p dir="ltr">My husband has served me in every way imaginable in a recovery, and he has done so with a joyful heart. Even when I was snippy with my tongue from pain or melting down in tears through a hormonal sweat, Tom has been nothing but loving and patient. </p>
<p dir="ltr">He has bathed me, fed me, massaged my aching body, changed me, emptied a catheter bag...he has "washed my feet." </p>
<p dir="ltr">I have thanked him many times. His response: "I'm just trying to do what I believe you would do for me. "</p>
<p dir="ltr">And I would do all those things for him. That's what makes our marriage what it is. There's nothing magical about it. There's nothing we do that others cannot. We simply choose to lay down our life for our friend. Greater love has no one than that. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I rejoice that we have learned this lesson because it sure makes weathering life's storms much easier! </p>
<p dir="ltr">Thank you my love. </p><p dir="ltr">I treasure you.</p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO5JLn_ymxNb_JShl-yNxdlsL6_s3VB9uuHsvH9-AwX8OzQXrtJFCThkhHSdU_aMELdRMQtdtRSgRAgYknCYnZVp3hWbfsp8_IZn8KVA5bcN6I-XeFVgZyuWL_IwIUwp-IRGe2Lu4L_Vk/s1600/received95m95mid9513886079376959554a045572f82c7c623950-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO5JLn_ymxNb_JShl-yNxdlsL6_s3VB9uuHsvH9-AwX8OzQXrtJFCThkhHSdU_aMELdRMQtdtRSgRAgYknCYnZVp3hWbfsp8_IZn8KVA5bcN6I-XeFVgZyuWL_IwIUwp-IRGe2Lu4L_Vk/s640/received95m95mid9513886079376959554a045572f82c7c623950-1.jpg"> </a> </div>Mindyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04394060683354956519noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3826579116140785315.post-64561578483388564742014-06-26T22:21:00.001-07:002014-06-26T22:21:17.744-07:00I Was Injured...Injured Bad!<span style="font-size: large;">Ever wonder how even just one comment can cut you to the quick?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">The other day we journeyed out as a little family to run some errands, buy some boy shorts for the ever-growing weeds, and have some lunch...you know, an actual sit-down-as-family meal (because with a traveling hubby/daddy that doesn't happen often for us).</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">It's not enough that it's so scorching hot outside and just walking from a building to the vehicle makes your clothing damp. Or...that the children <i>still</i> pick at each other in the backseat. Noooo, then your knight in shining armor has to go and say something that sounds rude as all get out and makes your head about snap off as you whip it around to give him the glare of death!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Are you kidding me??? Did you really just say that to me?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">It never ceases to amaze me all the horrid thoughts that run through a human head in a matter of seconds!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Wow, words are powerful. Throw in tone of voice and facial expression and you can have a real whopping good time of injury!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Of course throw in agitation from hormonal sweating and mood swings and the fighting children and you can also have a whopping misunderstanding.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Well, I hope the man can at least be thankful that I react better than I use to :) Poor ole thing. I don't know how he puts up with me. (But he best not say that again!)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">:) :) :) :)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">(Tom, if you read this, picture me with my hand over my heart in pain please! bhaaaaa)</span>Mindyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04394060683354956519noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3826579116140785315.post-58853122904360685132014-04-21T10:46:00.001-07:002014-04-21T10:46:17.871-07:00Like A Comfy Shoe <p dir="ltr">So husband and I just returned from the posh trip he earned at a stunning Mexican Riviera resort. My oh my was that place something! </p>
<p dir="ltr">It was great to have nearly a week alone together without the distractions and busy schedules of real life. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I think what I love most about times like that is seeing how much we enjoy being together just as a couple. It's very easy to get so caught up in the daily grind that you lose any real depth of friendship with your spouse. It's like after children come along, most of your conversations and interaction is around them or about them. </p>
<p dir="ltr">It takes devoted intention by both people to remain connected and intimate. I really believe the work my husband has always done has helped us to remain dedicated. For years, he went to sea for months at a time and now he is gone the majority of the week. We quickly realized that we didn't want the time we do have together to be filled with fighting over trivial things or wasted. </p>
<p dir="ltr">As we were together on the trip, hanging out with his coworker, whose wife walked out on him after 25 years, we both found ourselves feeling very thankful. </p>
<p dir="ltr">We agreed that it was nice being with someone we are so comfortable with. We don't want to date again or get used to another person. We enjoy what we have...like an ole comfy shoe! </p>
<p dir="ltr">And I love that there are still things I'm learning about the man I have treasured for twenty years of my life! </p>
<p dir="ltr">Marriage is so beautiful when both parties are willing to give it their all. </p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAUuCSSmosjlQ0OaZUlLJpgcdGsDh134sS_jUBqMU3V57E0cU-IQT8EcY764r1qOFuKhDa45chp1yvOFwB0zbVw9y-xjL_UrXhTaDSbosgrQa9BbIwLrreBNoADrIE8v02IdMmE4ipK40/s1600/20140417_130612-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAUuCSSmosjlQ0OaZUlLJpgcdGsDh134sS_jUBqMU3V57E0cU-IQT8EcY764r1qOFuKhDa45chp1yvOFwB0zbVw9y-xjL_UrXhTaDSbosgrQa9BbIwLrreBNoADrIE8v02IdMmE4ipK40/s640/20140417_130612-1.jpg"> </a> </div>Mindyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04394060683354956519noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3826579116140785315.post-12668233030709029662014-03-27T12:22:00.002-07:002014-03-27T12:32:33.628-07:00Humility & Forgiveness<span style="font-size: large;">After Tom and I went through the initial hurt in the beginning of marriage, I had a lot of work to do with the Lord regarding my heart.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: large;">You see, I felt like I wasn't enough. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">If I had been prettier, smarter, thinner... then maybe he wouldn't have made the choices he did, and I wouldn't be hurting!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I beat myself down. Every insecurity I had ever carried came bubbling to the surface. I felt disgusting. And to be honest, I felt like I wasn't what he wanted. I felt like he settled for me instead of chose me. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Everybody wants to be chosen. Even God.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: large;">At that time, I really did not have a clue why Tom married me. I couldn't figure it out. His younger sister was one of my closest friends since we were young, so all I could come up with is that he must have thought he wanted to marry me, then realized I wasn't really what he wanted, but then felt too bad to hurt me by calling it off!!! I know, i</span><span style="font-size: large;">t doesn't make much sense now, but I somehow convinced myself that was the truth then. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I thought about calling it off myself, but then thought about how God hates divorce and how disappointed people would be in us. So, I just resigned myself, thinking I had made my bed and now I had to lie in it...literally.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I had the ridiculous notion that I could pretend...just be numb and go through the motions, forever if need be. Of course that was unsustainable! At some point, you have to be human and not robotic! Eventually I just became very angry and began to slip into an isolating depression.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I knew I had to do something, and you have to know that I was not going to trust anyone to truly help me. Who could I trust and believe at that point! I somehow ended up buying a book about forgiveness. Something on the cover about "Not forgiving will hold you hostage!" got my attention. No one was going to keep me bound. NO ONE.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I remember that book made me cry. A lot. All the anger gave way to grief and mourning over what I thought we had. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I didn't want to forgive Tom. Forgiving him felt like I was saying what he did was no big deal and he didn't have to pay for it!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I wanted him to pay. I wanted him to hurt like I hurt. I wanted him to spend the rest of his life trying to make up for it. I wanted him to squirm and wonder if at some point all of it would come back to bite him in the butt!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I was NOT in a good place. It makes me so sad to think back on it all now.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: large;">Finally, I got to the part of that stinkin' book that said basically, "Who are you to withhold forgiveness when your sin is just as despicable and you want others to forgive you!"</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">OUCH!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Ok...I had some forgiving to do for multiple reasons.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I came to understand forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. Forgiveness is NOT saying what was done to me was okay. It wasn't letting my perpetrators off the hook; it was about setting myself free!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Some days I had to say aloud several times...every time a hurtful thought came...that I forgive my husband and ask the Lord to bless him.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">That's a key: asking the Lord to bless the other person.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Talk about learning humility. Ugh! </span>Mindyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04394060683354956519noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3826579116140785315.post-71414179572178689582014-03-10T12:12:00.000-07:002014-03-10T12:17:26.440-07:00Humility & Transparency<span style="font-size: large;">Humility and Transparency</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">That's what makes a strong relationship.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">In the context of marriage, or even engagement, this combination allows a couple to scale the walls that sin and shame try to erect.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I was 19 when I married, and Tom was 25. I don't think he would have picked such a young bride, but God had other plans. :)</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">We prepared for our wedding in 7 weeks, and the day after we tied the knot, we started driving toward Washington. It was a whirlwind of excitement and anticipation...along with some trepidation for both of us I believe.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">The unknown was before us, and we thought we were ready for the great adventure.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Enter real life.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">One month into our marriage, it all seemed to be falling apart. You see, I had a dream one night that was very upsetting and come to find out, there was much truth to it in my husband's life.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I will leave the details for him to share if he ever wants to, but suffice it to say, I was hurt deeply and questioning if I had made the biggest mistake of my life.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Being the youngest of three children and the only girl in my family, I did live quite a "fairy-tale" life. My brothers are much older than me, and my parents worked very hard to give me everything I could want or need. My home wasn't "issue-free," but I was blessed.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">You can imagine then, after leaving my daddy's home, where heaven and earth was moved to take the best care of me, the thought of my Knight In Shining Armor doing anything hurtful or betraying me was devastating and rocked me to my core.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Was I naive? You better believe it. I think we do a sad injustice to our daughters and sons not preparing them well for reality. I'm not saying we should crush their hopes and dreams, but give them a more accurate picture for sure. Sadly, many of these things are not spoken about like they need to be!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I guess I thought that Tom and I would have our junk, but it would be "little, no-big-deal junk." </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">What had occurred was pretty big, and it sent me into self-protection mode. I felt like I didn't really know the guy I had just married. I felt like I couldn't trust anyone anymore...not really anyway. Oh, I wouldn't say that to them, but the guard was up in my mind and it would stay up for years to come.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I'm so thankful now that Tom and I stayed together. I know we cared for one another, but I think pride kept us there more than anything, especially more than true 1 Corinthians 13 love. I think we were more concerned with what others would say and think if we divorced. But, thankfully, below the hurt and deception there was a seed of true affection on which to build. It was a start.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Humility and transparency began to come, but it would be years before we would walk in it daily.</span></div>
Mindyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04394060683354956519noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3826579116140785315.post-71252398938252717422014-02-24T08:23:00.001-08:002014-02-24T08:26:43.533-08:00One of Those Days<span style="font-size: large;">I'm having one of those days where I have to purposefully look for the blessing and joy of our circumstances.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">My honey works out of town a lot as I have mentioned before on this blog. I miss his presence. I miss everything that is him...well, probably not the little trails of messes he leaves around, but everything else :)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">This week, he didn't get back in town until late afternoon on Saturday. We had a dinner after church yesterday, so that took up a bulk of our day. He came home and fixed computers and put things in order so the boys and I could keep moving along with schoolwork. He also had to unpack, wash clothes, and repack.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">By the time we got to bed last night, I could barely hold me eyes open. He was up and gone before I ever awoke this morning.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Weeks like this really wear on me and the kids, and I can only assume they wear on Tom as well.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">We both have so many responsibilities to keep up with and though we try to be good about saying no and setting boundaries and keeping the most important things top priority, it is hard!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I got up and exercised this morning, trying to be diligent to take the best care of myself since I deal with some chronic illness. I showered and met with the Lord and then started cleaning up the house. Dishes, laundry, vacuuming, making the bed... </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">The vacuum stopped working correctly. Cabinet doors are falling off hinges. The carpet needs stretched because I am tripping over portions of it that are lifting. Every cabinet and drawer really needs cleaned out, wiped down, and organized again. I sweep. I mop. I drop something and then see the floor closer. GROSS.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I start to get agitated, feeling like I live in a pig sty, while logically telling myself to chill out because I have a very nice home, clean, running water, working vehicles, a sound income...</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Do you ever feel that war in yourself? Agitated and frustrated, yet knowing you should be walking in utter thanksgiving and your problems are really no big deal on the scale of life?!!!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">And really...like I want to ask my husband to do <i>one more thing </i>after he has driven hundreds of miles in a week and worked for hours!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">It's one of those days when I battle inside being so thankful for all we have and all my husband is willing to do and just wanting him to be around more.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Help me be thankful today Father.</span>Mindyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04394060683354956519noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3826579116140785315.post-27598514519520267752014-02-21T08:28:00.001-08:002014-02-21T08:34:40.562-08:00Where Intimacy Begins<span style="font-size: large;">Laying down one's life for others is often not easy or enjoyable.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I spoke in the last post about how my husband does this for me on a regular basis by pushing aside what he wants in order to help me. He works hard at trouble-shooting problems in blood analyzers in hospital labs. He also drives for long hours in between accounts. Meanwhile, I homeschool our three sons, get them to all their appointments, and keep the house going. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">By Friday, we are both tired. We both just want to chill and rest. But, we also have these boys full of energy and desires to be with friends and do things with their parents <i>together</i>.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">It's tricky to make all this run smoothly some weeks. I want to stop being the disciplinarian when dad comes in and the last thing dad wants to do is bring down the hammer on the kids he loves and hardly sees.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Things like this that arise in a marriage require <i>good, intentional, consistent </i>communication.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">It would be very easy for me to get bitter and have a chip on my shoulder about Tom's work schedule (and I have before). I could even become demanding or give ultimatums about him finding another job. The thing is that I know Tom loves what he does.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I have watched so many people over the years just hate what they have to do each day to put food on the table, and I just don't ever want to see my husband endure that. I think that may lead him to become bitter toward me for staying home and not working.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Tom and I prevent these things from creeping in our relationship by committing to one another to share what we are feeling and to try our best to understand even if it isn't a big deal to us individually.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Sometimes just being able to voice your stresses and concerns and have the person you love and trust the most listen, care and validate your feelings can make things better.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I know so many wives that live in fear of telling their husband things. They fear his reaction to them...that they will be yelled at, told they are stupid, asked, "Well, what do you expect me to do?" in a spiteful and nasty tone. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I know husbands that fear their wife screaming and throwing things or belittling them.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">This isn't God's plan for marriage and never has been.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">In the book of James, we are told that the basis of all quarrels is selfishness. Anytime there is a fight, you can trace it back to a root of someone (or many times, all parties involved) being selfish.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">When I feel myself getting irritated, I try so hard to stop and get away by myself for a few minutes and ask God to show me my heart...to reveal the selfishness that I know must be lurking in me.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Tom is just naturally better at not <i>being </i>selfish than I am...or at least not acting out on it maybe. My desire is to truly be a helper to my spouse and to treat him with the utmost respect. He could tell you I fail at it much of the time, but I know he appreciates that I strive to honor him.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">It is these intentional thoughts, purposeful time-outs with God, and determined times of sharing ourselves with one another that makes our marriage thrive, not merely survive.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">To have intentional communication, you can't just be determined to share what <i>you </i>feel. You have to be determined to listen well, make eye contact, gesture, empathize, show care and concern.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I know there must be so many times that Tom has listened to the same concerns about whether I am messing up the boys homeschooling them or my health issues, etc... but he is so sweet and faithful just to be quiet, let me get it out, and then reassure me that we will get through it with God.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">That is where intimacy starts in a marriage. It's not the bedroom. It's the couch, the phone, the kitchen...</span>Mindyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04394060683354956519noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3826579116140785315.post-90712220064057664942014-02-13T11:55:00.000-08:002014-02-15T05:46:22.007-08:00Thanks for Trying!<span style="font-size: large;">You know what I love most about my husband's last post? That he WANTS to fix it even if he can't...that he even CARES about how I feel and acknowledges there is something wrong instead of ignoring me!</span><br>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br>
Sadly, I know many women who don't have husbands that care. Their husbands are quite content living in their box of self-centered mirrors, not paying attention to much of what their wife is going through or battling. I know some husbands that deal with wives like that as well. It's definitely not one-sided.</span><br>
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I appreciate so much that Tom makes the effort to show he cares and even thinks about me and my junk and how he might lend a hand...an ear...a shoulder. It shows me that he cherishes me and doesn't see me as a burden he has to tolerate, but rather a friend he wants to help.</span><br>
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Not every woman is emotional or sensitive, but I happen to be both. :) I cry at the silliest commercials and movies. I feel deeply. I love passionately. I used to LOATHE myself for that. Seriously, I really hated that about myself when I was younger. One day, as I was praying for my beautiful niece, who happens to share those traits, the Lord whispered gently to me, "I made her this way. I made you this way. I have a purpose for your sensitivity. Tell her that the depth to which she hurts is the depth to which she also loves." </span><br>
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The longer I sat there in prayer, I realized that we indeed have a gift. No, it doesn't always feel like a gift when you are young and still ignorant of some things. However, as I have gained maturity, I have come to realize that most people aren't as compassionate and as empathetic as I am either. Most people don't see things from many points of view, to discern how a situation may affect/hurt others. I can easily see that most of the time.</span><br>
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I feel so blessed to have a husband that stood by me and loved me through that growth process! I feel sad for him, for all he has walked with me through. I know it wasn't easy, and he kind-of got a double whammy because I have an anxiety disorder too. If you husbands out there think a "normal" wife's emotions are a lot to live with, you should see one who battles fears that make no sense! But Tom has been such a rock for me...so patient and kind and long-suffering. He has shown me a tangible example of true grace right before my eyes. It has helped me grow in my love and trust of Jesus. It has taught me how Jesus cares for every detail of my life...that He accepts me just as I am and cheers me on, believing that through His power, I will overcome!</span><br>
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I love this portion of Scripture. It holds so many deep truths for a successful and joy-filled marriage, but the sad part is that it takes TWO willing parties. </span><br>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 1.05em;"><br></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 1.05em;"><b>Instructions for Christian Households</b></span><br>
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<span class="text Eph-5-21"><span class="versenum" style="font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">21 </span>Submit to one another<span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29326AI" title="See cross-reference AI">AI</a>)"></span> out of reverence for Christ.</span></div>
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<span class="text Eph-5-22" id="en-NIV-29327"><span class="versenum" style="font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">22 </span>Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands<span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29327AJ" title="See cross-reference AJ">AJ</a>)"></span> as you do to the Lord.<span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29327AK" title="See cross-reference AK">AK</a>)"></span></span> <span class="text Eph-5-23" id="en-NIV-29328"><span class="versenum" style="font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">23 </span>For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church,<span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29328AL" title="See cross-reference AL">AL</a>)"></span> his body, of which he is the Savior.</span> <span class="text Eph-5-24" id="en-NIV-29329"><span class="versenum" style="font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">24 </span>Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands<span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29329AM" title="See cross-reference AM">AM</a>)"></span> in everything.</span></div>
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<span class="text Eph-5-25" id="en-NIV-29330"><span style="background-color: cyan;"><span class="versenum" style="font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">25 </span>Husbands, love your wives,<span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29330AN" title="See cross-reference AN">AN</a>)"></span> just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her</span><span class="crossreference" style="background-color: white; font-size: 0.65em; font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29330AO" title="See cross-reference AO">AO</a>)"></span></span><span class="text Eph-5-26" id="en-NIV-29331" style="background-color: white;"><span class="versenum" style="font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">26 </span>to make her holy,<span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29331AP" title="See cross-reference AP">AP</a>)"></span> cleansing<span class="footnote" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="[<a href="#fen-NIV-29331b" title="See footnote b">b</a>]">[<a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ephesians%205&version=NIV#fen-NIV-29331b" style="color: #b37162; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: top;" title="See footnote b">b</a>]</span> her by the washing<span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29331AQ" title="See cross-reference AQ">AQ</a>)"></span> with water through the word,</span><span style="background-color: white;"> </span><span class="text Eph-5-27" id="en-NIV-29332" style="background-color: white;"><span class="versenum" style="font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">27 </span>and to present her to himself<span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29332AR" title="See cross-reference AR">AR</a>)"></span> as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.<span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29332AS" title="See cross-reference AS">AS</a>)"></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> </span><span class="text Eph-5-28" id="en-NIV-29333" style="background-color: white;"><span class="versenum" style="font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">28 </span>In this same way, </span><span style="background-color: cyan;"><span class="text Eph-5-28">husbands ought to love their wives<span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29333AT" title="See cross-reference AT">AT</a>)"></span> as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.</span> </span><span class="text Eph-5-29" id="en-NIV-29334" style="background-color: white;"><span class="versenum" style="font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">29 </span>After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—</span><span style="background-color: white;"> </span><span class="text Eph-5-30" id="en-NIV-29335" style="background-color: white;"><span class="versenum" style="font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">30 </span>for we are members of his body.<span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29335AU" title="See cross-reference AU">AU</a>)"></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> </span><span class="text Eph-5-31" id="en-NIV-29336" style="background-color: white;"><span class="versenum" style="font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">31 </span>“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”<span class="footnote" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="[<a href="#fen-NIV-29336c" title="See footnote c">c</a>]">[<a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ephesians%205&version=NIV#fen-NIV-29336c" style="color: #b37162; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: top;" title="See footnote c">c</a>]</span><span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29336AV" title="See cross-reference AV">AV</a>)"></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"> </span><span class="text Eph-5-32" id="en-NIV-29337" style="background-color: white;"><span class="versenum" style="font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">32 </span>This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.</span><span style="background-color: white;"> </span><span class="text Eph-5-33" id="en-NIV-29338" style="background-color: white;"><span class="versenum" style="font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">33 </span>However, each one of you also must love his wife<span class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29338AW" title="See cross-reference AW">AW</a>)"></span> as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.</span><br>
<span class="text Eph-5-33" style="background-color: white;"><br></span>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">I highlighted the parts above, not to point out to the husbands what they need to do, but to say that my husband has already CHOSEN to take these words to heart and DO THEM. Like Tom says, "It is easy to take a bullet for my wife. It is hard to walk in after a long day of work and do the dishes."</span></div>
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<span class="text Eph-5-33" style="background-color: white;"></span><br>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">He would rather love himself more...lay down on the couch and veg out, but he CHOOSES to love me as if I am him and do things to be a blessing to me. THAT is true love and submitting to one another like that in our marriage is what has made our marriage a great one! We didn't always do this. We hurt each other in the past, but we searched out wisdom for a better way. Now we reap the rewards of consistent true love.</span><br>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Tom and I have not done anything that others can't do as well. Neither of us were taught these things. </span><br>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">We searched, we learned, and we applied.</span><br>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">And now we enjoy.</span><br>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">God gave us the wisdom. Many sadly ignore it.</span><br>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">So to my adorable husband who gets frustrated that he can't always fix it, I say, "Thanks for trying! I treasure you."</span></div>
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Mindyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04394060683354956519noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3826579116140785315.post-25564961613247411992014-02-04T20:08:00.000-08:002014-02-05T02:02:49.938-08:00Why Can't I Fix It?<p dir="ltr">I like to fix things.  I am, by trade, a repair man, a Field Service Engineer.  When something is broken I get paid to go fix it.  If you give me a manual, some tools, and a general explanation of how something works there is a very good chance that I can figure out a way to make it work again.  Except when it comes to my wife, not "her" per-say, but struggles or issues she may be going through.  Maybe that's because I wasn't given a manual when I got married.  Hey, that's a good idea, someone should write the manual "How To Fix All Her Problems In Seven Easy Steps!"</p>
<p dir="ltr">As a husband and a "fixer" I want to be able to fix it when she comes to me with an issue.  It truly pains me to see her upset!  No, I didn't say she was a pain.  It hurts me when she hurts.  Early in our marriage, those times when she came to me and she was obviously hurting, I wanted her to tell me what I could do to fix it.  It took a while, and a few times of her telling me, for me to realize that she just wanted to be heard, <u>t</u>o have someone there by her side, to hold her, and comfort her.  She knew that there was nothing I could really do to make it better right then, but hearing me say that I understood and wanted to help her, that I would be there with her through whatever she was going through, was exactly what she needed.  So I had to learn that the fixer can't always fix it.</p>
tomoncewaslosthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01031505856208777300noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3826579116140785315.post-65867971633922842692014-01-17T08:37:00.000-08:002014-01-17T08:37:02.900-08:00Those Fighting Words<span style="font-size: large;">Tom mentioned in a past post that we try not to use the words <i>always </i>and <i>never </i>in our home. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">A long time ago, in the beginning of our marriage, we saw a counselor who said some valuable things that really stuck with us. Choosing our words carefully was one of them.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">As our children grew, we taught them to not use always and never accusations toward each other as well. The reason is because what words follow "always" and "never" are RARELY true.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Think about it. We spew things out of our mouths in anger, like, "You <i>always</i> do this! You <i>always</i> leave and don't tell me where you are going!" "You <i>never</i> listen to me!" "You <i>always</i> take my stuff without asking!" "You <i>never</i> think about how you make me feel!"</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">When we launch into accusations like these, we instantly put the other person on the defensive. Really, we are just asking for a fight!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The counselor also taught us to use "I" statements to express ourselves. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Instead of, "You <i>always</i> leave your clothes laying all over the place!" It would be far more productive to say something like, "Sweetheart, <i>when you</i> leave your clothes laying about our room,<i> I feel</i> frustrated. I feel like you don't respect or appreciate me...like you just expect me to pick up after you. Could you please make more of an effort to help out in this area?"</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I know this is hard. HARD! Life gets busy. We get stressed out and irritable, and we snip at one another. I fail at this on a regular basis. Tom is much nicer than me! God knew what a patient man I needed! </span><span style="font-size: large;">But, I know Tom knows I try and that helps to get us through the times I fail him. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Another thing to watch for is the retaliation when the other person steps out like this to share how they feel. So many of us lack compassion and humility that our reaction stinks! Instead of listening and truly HEARING what is trying to be conveyed, we often get tempted to get defensive and start listing the wrongs of the other person.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We have to remember that we all fall short of perfection each and every day. Of course there are things we can always point out that the other person failed at, BUT how much more can we grow together if we take turns listening and <i>working on our own actions</i>?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Tom and I have been working at this for the past 20 years! We still have to watch our mouths and choose to humble ourselves. What good has it done us? Well, we truly enjoy being with each other. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We don't play games with one another. We don't act conniving and manipulative to control the other. We recognize we are on the same team and if we help one another, we will enjoy this life much more.</span>Mindyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04394060683354956519noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3826579116140785315.post-3238119060616260052014-01-08T08:16:00.001-08:002014-01-08T08:16:12.259-08:00I Love to Know You <p dir="ltr">Hmmm, well I might discuss the color with you Tom. More than likely, it would just be painted when you returned home. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I guess that might make some husbands mad, but I love that I know it wouldn't you. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I love that I KNOW. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I LOVE THAT I KNOW YOU! </p>
<p dir="ltr">May will mark 18 years that we have been married...20 that we have shared together. </p>
<p dir="ltr">TWENTY years! </p>
<p dir="ltr">That seems crazy, doesn't it? Don't you still feel young? Well, okay, except for our stiffness and the sounds our joints make...and our thinning hair and larger abdomens... </p>
<p dir="ltr">If not for all that, it would seem like we are just as cool and fun as we used to be while only our kids are getting older and hanging out with us! </p>
<p dir="ltr">Oh my how time flies. Whether we are having fun or not, it just keeps on ticking. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I'm so thankful we stuck through the hard times and have enjoyed many, many great ones together babe. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I'm so thankful that I have someone to "know." </p>
<p dir="ltr">How you like your soup. How to fold your pants. Your favorite desserts. Which white t-shirts. No lemon in your tea. Not this brand, that brand. No country music please. How a military home-coming makes you cry. What you are thinking across a room when we catch each other's eye. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I'm sure it's the many separations of our Navy days and your continued work, but I'm glad we have managed to make the most of the time we do get together. I'm glad we have each other to "know." There's such comfort in the familiar! I'm sorry for the times I probably take that for granted. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I treasure you. <br><br></p>
Mindyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04394060683354956519noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3826579116140785315.post-82503547152505474362014-01-05T11:39:00.000-08:002014-01-05T11:40:16.644-08:00The Husband's View of "Not Worth the Broccoli!"<span style="background-color: #ffffdd; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; text-align: justify;">I believe this story shows our unity as a couple. As a husband I decided a long time ago not to sweat the small stuff! I decided to look at every situation and evaluate how important it was to Mindy versus how important it was to me. I even heard Stephen Covey talk about it in "7 Habits for Highly Effective Families" and it confirmed what I thought was the correct way to do things. I felt that if I argued about every little decision that needed to be made, like the color of paint in the bathroom, all my arguments would fall on deaf ears because it would seam that I was arguing just for the sake of arguing. I decided that if the color of the paint in the bathroom was an 8 on a scale of 1 to 10 for Mindy and it was only a 3 for me then I wouldn't argue. This has always put me in a position that if something was very important to me Mindy is much more willing to listen. She knows that if I am going to ask her to or not to do something that it must be important to me. Even something as simple as broccoli in my potato soup.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #ffffdd; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; text-align: justify;">However, if I "always" complained about "everything" (always and everything are not words we use in our relationship, that could be a good post) why would she listen to me. She would think that my broccoli request was just another example of my stubbornness and decide not to honor it. Guess what, the last time she made potato soup she made a small batch for me without any broccoli. And I am sure that if I said I didn't like a color that she was going to use in the house she would be willing to discuss that with me too!</span>tomoncewaslosthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01031505856208777300noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3826579116140785315.post-71956472155888184812014-01-04T15:29:00.001-08:002014-01-04T21:41:12.719-08:00Not Worth Broccoli <span style="font-size: large;">We got to go out on a little lunch date before we ran to the grocery store today! Since hubby works out of town so often, it gets a bit tricky to get away for alone time. It was especially sweet since I had just expected to hit the store and get the necessary shopping done. I really loved that husband suggested the impromptu meal! </span><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;">As we sat at Panera, and I enjoyed my broccoli and cheddar soup, I said, "I really don't understand why you don't want broccoli in your potato soup at home." </span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;">"Because I don't particularly like broccoli." </span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><br></span></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" size="4">"Yes, I know, but that is why it is such a good option. You don't even taste the broccoli because it is all covered up with the good stuff!"</font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" size="4"><br></font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" size="4">Husband just stares at me. </font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" size="4"><br></font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" size="4">"You still taste the broccoli, huh?"</font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" size="4"><br></font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" size="4">Husband shakes his head yes. </font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" size="4"><br></font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" size="4">Hmph. </font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" size="4"><br></font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" size="4">"If I am going to eat a bowl of potato soup, then I want to ENJOY the potatoes without the over-powering taste of broccoli. I'll just keep the broccoli separate and suffer through it on the side."</font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" size="4"><br></font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" size="4">See...these are seemingly little things that could turn into big deals. I know some women who would think, "Tough mister!" and throw the broccoli in his soup anyway. </font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" size="4"><br></font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" size="4">Not me. </font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" size="4"><br></font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" size="4">One of the things I use to hear about marriage was that you give 50 percent and he gives 50 percent. </font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" size="4"><br></font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" size="4">Then one day I heard someone say, "We don't give 50/50 in our marriage. We give 100/100."</font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" size="4"><br></font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" size="4">That resonated within me. THAT made sense! I believe one of the reasons my husband and I enjoy a good and happy marriage is because we discussed this and made a decision to give completely of ourselves, holding no selfless love back. I serve him and he serves me.</font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" size="4"><br></font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" size="4">Love in action. </font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" size="4"><br></font></div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" size="4">It's beautiful. And it's not worth broccoli spoiling it :) </font></div>Mindyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04394060683354956519noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3826579116140785315.post-90957673365136174682014-01-03T18:53:00.000-08:002014-01-03T18:53:01.879-08:00Welcome!<span style="font-size: large;">Welcome to our new blog on marriage, where we will be sharing what we have learned through our years of wedded bliss! </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">BLISS????</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Well, stay tuned to find out :)</span>Mindyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04394060683354956519noreply@blogger.com0