A Matter of Choice

On Sunday afternoon, my husband and I entered into a discussion while out driving.  It didn't last all that long, but it sure accomplished much for my heart and hopefully for his as well.  It brought understanding and showed us how to pray for one another.

I had to say some things that I wasn't sure he would take well.  I mean, I always know that I'm blessed with a man who listens more than he talks...who seeks to understand me...who thinks before he speaks (sometimes so long that I wanna smack him! :)...who truly wants to do what is best for others and himself.

But, even after 20 years of being together, I still get nervous to say things sometimes.  I wonder if he does too.

I wasn't always good at just coming forth and saying what I was thinking or feeling.  From past experiences, I was afraid of rejection or attack and trapped in insecurity.  Wow, when I think back on how much easier our marriage relationship would have been if I could have communicated better!

It's been a lot of work to get to where we are.  Well, more like a lot of choices.  I've been speaking to some women and girls lately about just pushing past what feels awkward and choosing to do what needs done.

If we could all get to a place where we could speak the truth in love with one another!  Shew...can you even imagine how much better life would be?

That in love phrase is the kicker part though, isn't it?  

Many of us, if we can be brave enough to speak up, usually don't do it "in love."  It is usually in haste or disgust or frustration...

I found myself wondering today how different the drive Sunday with my sweetheart would have been if either of us hadn't chosen to speak in love.

I bet we wouldn't have come to the realizations and resolutions we did.  I bet one of us would have cried.  (Of course I mean Tom!)  I bet our kids would have felt that sick-to-your-stomach feeling I always felt (and still feel when people get ugly with each other).

How much different would our home be if we hadn't taken the time to learn what we have from leaders and books and friends and each other???

I look around me and see so many people in turmoil.  

I see men who look like they are brooding and angry at the world, dreading to walk into their home each night.

I see women with pursed lips and glaring eyes and hear their mumbling under their breath toward their husbands.

I see children who look like they are holding back tears and scared to utter a word or do something wrong...like they have to walk on eggshells all the time so they don't play a part in rocking the boat.

My husband and I aren't amazing people.  We aren't doing anything that others can't do.  We just chose to learn how to handle ourselves differently.  Then we chose to humble ourselves and walk out what we learned.

Sure we mess up.  We certainly don't always agree.  We just love each other and our children enough to stay determined to have a happy home.  

No matter what that takes or how we have to crucify our selfishness, we are resolute in this stand for our family.

Some things really are a matter of choice.